The Art of Listening

"Analyze me." Haha, right. 

No doubt most psychology majors, myself included, have been hearing this statement since the very moment we declared ourselves into the major. Having been a psych student for two years now, I have some sense of personalities and disorders, but I am certainly not qualified to "analyze" anyone. 

I am, however, good at listening, a trait which I believe is the very foundation of being a good psychologist, family member and friend. People who listen are required to naturally exercise a certain level of tolerance, for often times the things you hear may challenge or even directly counter your own viewpoints. 

So, I practice listening. I sit at home and listen to family issues, or at AUB, where I listen to friends' issues.  I bite my tongue and control my facial emotions, because I know only the slightest unwanted reaction might hurt someone's feelings. I listen and listen, sometimes for hours in a day, until said persons are done talking. 

And then? I give. Except giving requires listening, a fact that is too often forgotten. When you give your advice or your opinions to a person, regardless of whether you believe you are right or not, you must always listen, but not just to their voice. Pay attention to body language, facial expression, even the structure of the wording. For often what is unsaid is louder than that which is said. 

How many times have you come up with a snide or ignorant remark simply because you wanted to speak? Spoken out of turn only to leave the quiet ones in your path forever quiet? Too often it is the silent ones who should be speaking. You might be surprised at what they have to say.

I find this the case in daily interactions between friends and family. We are intolerant if we cannot bend, but too liberal with our flexibility. Is there a medium? Perhaps, perhaps not. Everything is subjective. Nevertheless, there is such a thing as giving too much, or taking too much. The passive listener versus the over-active speaker. You can’t be both, but you can be an in-betweener. 

It takes effort to speak up for what you believe in, but it takes even more to listen to something you don’t.  But to truly be a good friend you must sometimes brace yourself for the things you dislike, while trying your best to do what you think is right. This thought rings true in a passage by Winston Churchill, who once said “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”